I have spent much of the last 3 weeks positing what it means to be a wife as opposed to a fiancé. I find myself wondering, how can I make sure we don’t end up divorced? And, am I being a Good Wife? These are age old questions that centuries and centuries of the world’s smartest women have been trying to dissolve. Ask any married woman you know what it means to be a Good Wife and she will have a different answer from the next, mostly because every man has a different expectation, but also because no one really knows what the heck they’re doing when it comes to this thing called marriage (see: divorce rate in the US). No, in 26 days I have not come up with the universal method of how to maintain a healthy marriage that promotes deep love and connection, yet also allows us to be our independent selves. When I do, I will be pitching my book idea to every publishing house in the country. Scratch that, my book will be in such high demand that everyone will be calling me! I can see it now...Agents will be trying to woo me, sending baskets of the finest charcuterie (brie, speck, and caviar, of course) to my home, flying me on private jets all around the world so that women everywhere can get a piece of my relationship GOLD. I will get my own talk show, become a household name, and eventually women all around the world will enjoy a happy marriage thanks to my method.
I might not have all the answers now, but in my PMS, I have realized that Good Wives COOK! They cook often and they do it happily. I know this seems obvious, but it wasn’t so apparent to me when I was a fiance. I was firmly of the belief that Ryan should be so thrilled that he landed me that I didn’t have to do anything other than exist to make him happy. Now that I am married I feel like I have an obligation to cook more than I did when we were engaged, not only because thats what most wives do, but also because I think a woman completely sets the tone of her home. I want my house to be a haven for my husband, family, and friends. I want everyone who comes over to feel at home, and for me, that experience always begins with food. Luckily, my husband doesn’t need my meals to be complicated, or even amazing. The great thing about Ryan is that he thinks everything edible is “to die for,” so as long as I make some sort of effort, no one ends up disappointed. If it were up to me, I would eat the same old thing for the rest of my life: cheese, pasta, and cookies, but Ryan loves when I try new recipes and experiment. Sometimes they are disastrous and other times they are spot on. This week, I took a chance on Sweet Potato Stuffed Chicken Fajitas, Classic Chicken Noodle Soup, and Fall Cranberry Pie. If anyone is interested in these recipes, please leave a comment and I will post them or send them to you.
In my quest to be a Good Wife, however, I am also very mindful of not losing myself. I don’t want to become someone who exists for the sole purpose of pleasing her husband. I think that does a disservice to women, or at least that would do a disservice to me. I have my own life, my own passions, and my own personality. Yes, I love him and will go to lengths to make him happy, but I also deserve those exact same things from him….and that’s why whenever I cook, he’s always the one doing dishes!
***PMS: Post Marital Saga is a sarcastic, silly, and honest blog about marriage written by Brittany Geiger**